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The Flight Wife’s Last-Minute Father’s Day Gift Guide

June 9, 2015 by Flight Wife 4 Comments

The Flight Wife’s Last-Minute Father’s Day Gift Guide


fathers day



Crap. Father’s Day is in less than 2 weeks, and if you’re anything like me, you still don’t have a gift yet. In fact, if it weren’t for making myself write this blog post, I probably still wouldn’t have anything until a few days before. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been the benefactor of many awesome gifts to my husband. Some of which include a surprise hot air balloon ride, an iPod touch (I was super broke at the time and saved up for it), and his favorite, a huge beer making kit that kick-started his brewing hobby. No Mr. Beer kits here, I got him the real deal. Man, I’m a good wife.

brew

 

But it seems like every year it gets harder to come up with something creative or that he’ll actually like. And he’s often not much help when he doesn’t know what he wants either. Usually I can pick up on something he’s been checking out online or take note during our conversations if he has mentioned something he wants. But sometimes I got nothin’.

I took an impromptu poll on my Facebook page  yesterday, asking other pilot wives what gifts their husbands have loved. The consensus was clear; our guys like gifts that are personalized for them and their hobbies. And no, I don’t mean personalized like putting their name on a pen. They like stuff that has to do with their interests, things that make life easier, and things that are fun. Or that involve food. Like bacon. Mmmm, bacon. Lingerie is always a hit, too. Serving bacon while in lingerie? I think I just found my gift.

Anyway, I put together a list that hopefully offers something different and unique. If you’re stuck on what to get your husband for Father’s Day this year, I hope this helps. And I even added a few for the budget-conscious wife (pretty much synonymous with pilot wife most of the time), because I’ve been there.

***Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with nor have I been compensated for listing any of these products… But I totally would if they offered. Anyone?? Anyone?? Damn.***

 

For The All-About-Aviation Pilot:

flashSmith & Wesson Captain’s Flashlight $40

Every pilot needs a good flashlight, and this one has great reviews.

 

 

 

 

giftPilot Pocket PLUS $24

This handy little gadget holds accessories right on the window, in sight. I think I might get one of these for my husband, he leaves his sunglasses on planes ALL the time!

 

 

 

 

 

plane wineAirplane Wine Holder With Corkscrew Propeller $57

How cool is this?! A little pricy, but it’s on Amazon for $57 ($70+ elsewhere) and it’s Prime shipping!

 

 

There’s also a matching beer bottle opener, bottle stopper, and corkscrew  ($12-$15 each) if you don’t want to shell out as much.




 

For The Pilot Who Cooks/Grills:

 

spiceGourmet Grilling Spices $25

I love when my husband grills, because not only do I not have to cook, but I also get to eat delicious food. Win win! These spices look amazing, I can only imagine how good a juicy steak would be with the peppered habanero. Yum!

 

 

GRILLiDevices iGrill Mini

Are you freaking kidding me?! The stuff they come up with, I’m telling you. Stick this thermometer into your meat on the grill, and head back inside where you can view the temps from your phone. No more waiting around the grill getting smoke in your face. You can even set an alarm for when it reaches the perfect temp. Awesome.

 

 

For The Beer-Loving Pilot:

 

beerLibbey Craft Brews Beer Flight $25

My husband would love this. Pair it with a few different craft brews you can easily pick up at a Total Wine or BevMo! and you’re set.

 

 

 

chillCorkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, 2-Pack $24

I bought my husband a pair of these and he loves them. You keep them in the freezer and then stick them into your beer bottle and drink (the top is drink-through). Beer stays cold the whole time! Don’t forget to drink a few gulps first, you have to displace some liquid before it ends up on the floor. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything.

 

 

 

For The Techie/Gadget Pilot:

SPEAKERiHome® iBT73 Color Changing Bluetooth® Mini Speaker $30

(Found it cheaper at Bed Bath & Beyond than on Amazon, where it’s listed for $33)

This speaker is probably one of the best purchases I have made. It’s a powerful little sucker!  And fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. The picture shown is how it looks when it’s open, it actually squishes down and closes. The best part is that it’s wireless! I can play music that’s already on my phone or just stream in Pandora. I can take it on the lake when we go boating, or out to the backyard by the pool. Super handy and convenient. The only downside is that the charger connects to USB, but I’m pretty sure I could use one of those iPhone hubs to plug it into the wall, I just haven’t tried it yet. Other than that it’s perfection!

 

 

ORGANIZERGrid-It Organizer $12

This awesome organizer puts all your little gadgets and necessities in one place, perfect for taking your stuff in and out of your flight bag. Also good for organizing your items when you have to stay in hotels often.  And the price is great! There are different colors and sizes available, this one is 8×12 inches. There’s another one that hooks onto a tablet as well. Pretty cool!

 

 

ninjaWallet Ninja 18-in-1 Credit Card Sized Pocket Tool $9

This handy little pocket tool includes screwdrivers, a bottle opener, a box and letter opener, and ruler. And it all fits neatly into your wallet. It is approved to go through TSA (no blades and no knife included), but users have reported them being taken. (Shocker.) Best to keep this at home, but travel with it at your own risk. I think my husband needs one, he’s always misplacing his screwdrivers!

 

Sexy Gifts:

art Love Is Art Canvas And Paint Kit $58

I had never heard of this before I started doing gift research, and this intrigued me… So basically, you get this canvas (and a big sheet of plastic that comes with it) and you slather paint on yourselves and then have sex on the canvas. What?! Then you hang your sex art wherever you want and use it as a reminder of your love.

Sign me up!!! I actually think it’s a very unique gift that could be so fun! Can you imagine hanging it over the fireplace while your neighbors/in-laws/friends ask where you got such an original piece? Oh, the possibilities. I think we’ll make one to hang above our bed. I’ve been looking for artwork when this whole time we could have made our own! Genius, I say.  It comes with black paint, but you can also purchase colors for $5 apiece. Also, read the reviews, they are entertaining as well.

truth Sexy Truth or Dare: Pick-A-Stick $13

This game looks fun! Nothing like a little Truth or Dare to spice things up in the bedroom. And who doesn’t love a good game? Pretty sure there’s no losing in this one. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

For Wives On A Budget, And Gifts For Any Dad:

Some of the best gifts are from the heart, or are handmade with love.  Here are some gifts that don’t cost much, but are definitely worth their weight in gold, and guaranteed to bring a smile.

Photo Album

Albums filled with pictures of you and your kids are a great little reminder of your love while your husband is away. You can customize it however you like, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Bonus points if the kids hold “I love Dad” signs or other Father’s Day related sayings.

On the flip side, you can always give your husband a sexy reminder with an album of your pictures for his eyes only. I don’t know any husband who wouldn’t want that!




A Cooked Meal/Breakfast In Bed

One of the pilots I asked told me he would love nothing more than to come home to a delicious dinner made by his wife.  There’s something about someone cooking for you that makes you feel taken care of. Whether it’s breakfast in bed or a special dinner, making your man some food is thoughtful and sweet.

Indoor Picnic/Date 

Set up an indoor picnic in the living room and rent movies or watch your favorite recorded shows together. Have drinks and snacks ready, and get some pillows and blankets for a nice night in.

 

COUPONSCoupon Book

I love coupon books, since they are full of fun little things you can do for each other that don’t cost anything but time. Here’s a really cute one from the blog iheartnaptime that is a free printable! You can download it here.

Handmade Gifts From The Kids

Anything your kids make for your husband, whether it’s cards or crafts are sweet and endearing. Check out Pinterest for ideas like handprint crafts, painted mugs, decorated picture frames, and more.

Still Stumped?

It never hurts to ask – you may be surprised that what your husband wants is simple or even easy to find. And if not, there’s always bacon served in lingerie. Guaranteed to be a hit!

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

***Have any gift ideas of your own? Comment below!  I would love to hear them. :)***

Adventures In Flight Attending: A Collection Of Short (And Entertaining) Stories

May 19, 2015 by Flight Wife 2 Comments

Adventures In Flight Attending: A Collection Of Short (And Entertaining) Stories


FA



Once upon a time, I was a flight attendant, and I hated it.  Let me clarify; I was good at my job, and at doing what I was supposed to do, I just didn’t care for what the job entailed.  Namely, working with the general public, and putting up with company bullshit.

The airline I worked for was notorious for mistreating employees, breaking contracts, and abusing those who didn’t know the rules and couldn’t fight for themselves. Apathy was rampant among us, and so was turnover. After just a couple years I was considered “senior” and could hold a pretty good line. And while there were many good things about being a flight attendant (flight benefits! Sightseeing! Meeting new people!) there were also many negatives (horrible pay! Sharing an apartment with 3 people!  Insane passengers!).

Sometimes I miss the crews, the places we used to travel to, and the adventures. There is truly nothing as breathtaking as watching a sunset from the flight deck, or seeing a glowing full moon and glittering stars from above the clouds. But then I remember how miserable I felt, how lonely it was staying in hotel after hotel alone, and the toll that traveling to 3 different time zones in less than a week took on my body.

I did, however, come away with some pretty epic stories. If anything, they made the whole thing worth it.  After more than 2,000 flights and 3 different countries, I present to you the list of stories that were memorable enough to make the cut.

Warning: these stories range from the highly amusing to the downright disgusting, read at your own risk.

 

The Cat Lady

We were getting ready to take off from Santa Barbara, a small airport that doesn’t even have jetways. Passengers exit the terminal and walk out to the planes, where they then climb stairs to board.  I was in the flight deck, talking with the pilots about weight and balance and how many passengers we were expecting, when all of a sudden, I saw her. Arms outstretched, and pretending to zoom around like an airplane, this woman looked off her damn rocker. She was wearing head-to-toe leopard print and fur embellished everything, except for the white cowboy hat that adorned her fire-red hair.

She had set her bags down in order to complete her majestic airplane dance, and by the time she had picked up her bags again, I had managed to mutter, “Well this should be interesting” while both pilots wished me luck.

As she boarded the plane, I noticed she had an animal carrier with her – a white cat was inside. There were certain policies the airline had about pets in carriers, one of them being that the pet had to stay in the carrier at all times (allergies and other risks were cited, like the fact that you can’t have a freaking animal LOOSE on an aircraft).  More on this later.

Boarding was quick, there weren’t many passengers on the flight, and while everyone was seated the other flight attendant and I performed our announcements and safety demos.  While walking past the Cat Lady (as she was now known), I looked over and realized the cat was literally out of the bag – I informed her that if she wanted to stay on board and continue her trip she needed to put her cat back in its carrier for the duration of the flight. She complied, and all was well. For the time being, anyway.

I returned to my jump seat and got ready for takeoff. We lifted off, and not 3 seconds later, a furry white head peeked out from a row of seats, from the same level that a regular head would be. At first I didn’t realize what I was seeing, and then it clicked.

Oh, here we go, I thought.

The other flight attendant looked at me with a mixture of shock and confusion on her face. (She was at the back of the plane and we faced each other during takeoff and landing.)  We picked up our PA phones at the same time, and tersely whispered to each other. No sooner had we hung up than she was at it again, this time carrying the damn cat (who was not enjoying this one bit, by the way) to different rows, pretending she was invisible.

Because obviously you can’t be seen when you are carrying a cat shield.

She was carrying the cat like it was Simba from the Lion King, and the poor thing was just hanging there and trying desperately to claw every seatback that came its way.

Keep in mind we are still in a very steep takeoff, not anywhere close to leveling off at 10,000 feet.  The other FA got on the loudspeaker reminding passengers they need to stay seated while I made my way to Crazy Cat Lady and sternly informed her she needed to get back to her seat and put the cat away unless she wanted to turn around and be dropped back off at the airport we had just left.

She never said a word the entire time. Finally the cat was put back, and Crazy Cat Lady slumped over and fell asleep for the rest of the flight.

The Mandolin Man

We were boarding a flight to Vancouver, Canada, and as passengers walked on board, I noticed a peculiar-looking man approaching. He was wearing a pinstriped suit, complete with a handkerchief in his front pocket. He was also carrying a mandolin, with no case for it in sight.

Oh, and he was barefoot.

“Sir, where are your shoes?” I asked, completely out of curiosity. “Oh, they’re in Vancouver!” he answered, as if it were the most normal thing in the world to be traveling with no shoes while wearing a suit and carrying a mandolin.

I just shrugged.




The Boob Lady

While boarding another flight, I was greeting passengers as usual, when a woman walked by with a tote bag that had a ton of prescription bottles visible at the top. I didn’t think anything of it, and everyone took their seats.

We took off, and I got my signal from the flight deck that we had reached 10,000 feet and I could start service.  I started taking drink orders when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her.

She had fallen asleep, mouth wide open, and her prescription bottles were scattered all over the floor at her feet because her tote bag had fallen over. The passenger next to her was pretending to be completely engrossed in his newspaper, and then I saw why.

Her shirt (a tank top, no bra) had fallen to the side, and her breast was completely out, exposed in all its glory. It wasn’t even a good-looking boob. It was just a sad, giant blob of nakedness out for everyone to see. Or to try and un-see I should say. Her neighbor was growing redder by the minute, still pretending he couldn’t see that giant, fleshy eye that was staring him in the face.

Well, this is just great. I seriously don’t get paid enough for this.  Whyyyyyyy???

I walked back to the galley and set my tray down, thinking. What exactly does one do about a boob? In all of our training, nothing had been mentioned about handling the stray boob – or two, for that matter. I was starting to get mad – this was not in my job description. I decided to wing it; I had no other choice.

Determined, I made my way back to the boob.  I leaned over, and gave Boob Lady a vigorous shake.

Nothing.

I shook her again. “Ma’am? Ma’am!” I said firmly. Finally, by the third shake, she snorted awake and looked around her, confused. “Ma’am”, I said, getting her attention this time, “you need to cover yourself.” And I gestured to the boob that now glared at me menacingly. Even more passengers were starting to notice at this point.  She shrugged and pulled up her shirt, turned over and started snoring again.

Crisis averted.  Her neighbor thanked me with relief in his eyes.  You could say we were boob buddies now. I don’t think either of us could forget about what happened, as hard as we tried. I shudder just remembering it.

The Missing Wife

During the middle of a night flight, while the cabin was totally dark save for the random overhead reading light turned on every few rows, I was sitting in the back reading a magazine. Service was completed, and most passengers were sleeping or watching iPads.

A gentleman came to the back and looked like he had a question. I lowered my magazine and asked what I could help him with.

He looked a little sheepish, and then asked, “Umm, have you by chance seen my wife?”

The first thought that crossed my mind was, Is this guy for real?

A couple things ran through my mind at this question. First, our planes held over 85 people. I do not (or cannot, I should say) keep track of who is with whom, or what spouses look like. For the most part, unless people do something memorable (like wave cats around or flash their breasts), you’re not going to remember what they look like.  With up to 5 flights per day, mostly at 2 hours or less, it’s just not possible.  Second, there are less than a handful of places she could be. She’s either in the lavatory, the aisle, or maybe “visiting” another passenger.  Or in that secret compartment that we’re not allowed to tell you about that’s used to store unruly children.

I said, “Well, I don’t know who your wife is, but I’m sure she’s probably in the bathroom and she’ll be back soon.”

He nodded and continued his search across the vast jungle of the airplane. I’m guessing he found her since he didn’t come back.

The Day I Said Not Today

As I mentioned before, employee morale was pretty low at our airline due to management breaking rules and abusing crew members.  There were people being assigned trips out of seniority, or being “junior assigned” (basically, “you will fly this trip or get fired”).  So we had to get creative in order to avoid being the next victim. You could not be junior assigned if you didn’t answer your phone or no one got ahold of you. They had to have you on the phone (recorded) or “serve you” papers in person. It was like a game of cat and mouse.  And if you wanted to avoid abuse, you better outrun that damn cat. (I seriously have nothing against cats; it’s really coincidence that there are now 2 stories involving them. Cats are cool, I swear.)

It got so bad that crew tracking was doing illegal things to trap crew members into working flights that weren’t covered. (Um, hello?! Staff your planes right and this won’t be a problem. But lack of hiring and the high turnover rates made them desperate).  They would send a crew tracker down the jetway to meet the crew at the plane and serve them papers (this was later a huge deal, since it was a TSA breach – but they did it until they were forced to quit).

There were rumors of rogue pilots changing into Hawaiian shirts and jumping out the side service door to avoid such gross violation, but they were only rumors.

I was getting ready to fly back the last leg of my long 4 day trip, when I noticed a voicemail before we started boarding. Crew tracking wanted me to call them back. Immediately.

Oh hell no, I thought. I’m not that stupid.

I knew they were trying to assign me more flying, even though I was supposed to go home and finally have some days off.  I turned off my phone, and we started boarding.

I had the whole flight back to think. I knew they would keep calling, and when they didn’t get an answer, they’d probably be waiting for me in the jetway, where they would pounce and I would have no choice but to do it.

So, what to do? I thought back to that rumor about the pilot changing his shirt, and it hit me. I started to prepare.

First, I brought my suitcase to the back of the plane (thankfully I was working in the back, which I decided was to my advantage) and stored it in an empty overhead bin. We finished the flight, and after we landed and as soon as we started to taxi, I got to work.

I grabbed an outfit from my suitcase and jumped in the lav. I took off my uniform and badge, and quickly put my clothes on. I got out, put my uniform back into my suitcase, and sat back in my jump seat.

The other flight attendant knew exactly what I was doing, in fact, she was happy about it. If I got away she had a better chance of getting out of it, too.

I knew I had to stay calm. If I got caught, I could get in huge trouble. But I didn’t care. Like I said, apathy had set in among crew members a long time ago.  If I pulled this off, it would be epic.

We got to the gate, and started to deplane. Since I was in the back, I was one of the last ones off.

And there she was, clipboard in hand. Waiting. The taste of blood on her lips. I didn’t make eye contact, just walked, painfully slow to look like a passenger. I didn’t look back.

I made it to the walkway, still holding my breath. And then I was outside.

Holy shit, I did it.

My phone started ringing off the hook. I turned it off again.  I got to my car, and drove to my apartment. I cracked open a beer, and listened to my voicemails. “Uhh, this is crew tracking, could you please call us back?” Yeah, I’m gonna go with “no” on that one.

I was free.

And it was glorious. I never heard a word about it, either. Served them right.

Not today, crew tracking. Not. Today.




The Oblivious Mom (aka Worst Mom Ever)

Sometimes we would have things break on the plane, just like every airline. And sometimes if it wasn’t that bad, we would fly with it broken because it wasn’t a big deal. These were things that made the MEL list (Minimum Equipment List) that were approved to be written off and fixed later.

Things such as broken coffee pots, passenger lights that weren’t working, or broken seats. Items that aren’t critical to flight are on the list. (Of course they are inconveniences, but nothing that is going to cancel a flight.)

On this particular flight, we had a broken passenger seat. The seat cushion was removed, and bright green tape fastened a sign to the headrest that read “Inoperable”. The neon green tape was also crisscrossed over the armrests, a clear deterrent to anyone who saw the seat.  It basically looked like a bare metal seat with tape all over it. If it could have screamed DON’T SIT ON ME, that’s exactly what it would have done.

So boarding starts, and I greet passengers as they come aboard.  I make some announcements (trust me, they annoyed me as much as they annoy you) and start to do a passenger count. And then I see it.

No way. No effing way.

You have got to be shitting me.  There is a little kid (and I mean little, like 2 or younger) sitting in the seat.

With the tape put back over the armrests, so about face level for this kid, who luckily has no clue how oblivious his mother is.

So you’re telling me, lady, that you actually removed the tape to place your child in a seat with no cushion, and then oh-so-gingerly put the tape back over the armrests in front of your kid?! And he’s supposed to sit there for a couple hours with tape in his face and on bare metal?!?!

These were the moments I lost faith in humanity and wanted to just walk off.

But instead I walked back and informed Ms. Oblivious that no, her child could not sit in a broken, taped up seat, and helped her to an open row.

Fun times.

The Barefoot Wanderer

On a very full flight, I was in the rear jump seat after we had finished service. A woman made her way back to the lavatory, and I noticed she was barefoot. “Oh, ma’am, you need to have shoes on to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, why is that?” she asked.

I spared her the details of the baby shit and drunken puke and other bodily fluids I had seen so many times and just told her to trust me.

Thankfully for her she put on some shoes.

The Wasted Sisters

So every once in a while we would deal with drunk passengers. They would range from slightly intoxicated and happy to sloppy drunk and wasted. We were prohibited from letting any passenger board who appeared intoxicated, and I had never had to personally remove a passenger, but I had seen gate agents and other FAs refuse passengers before.

You are also not allowed to consume your own alcohol on any flight, so we had to watch for people bringing their own as well (it has to do with the type of liquor license the airline carries). Now, I’m sure you all know that various people handle alcohol differently.

I had some passengers that I had no problem serving 5 drinks to because they were polite and well-mannered. They could obviously hold their alcohol. Other passengers could be completely drunk after 2 drinks and we would cut them off.

So during one flight to Omaha, Nebraska, there were 2 sisters who were traveling together and were ordering drinks. They were laughing and having a good time, and seemed fine.

Until one of the sisters got up to use the restroom, and when she came to the back, her pants were completely wet down the front. She had only had 2 drinks, so it was odd that she was so drunk.

Uh-oh, I thought. Time to cut her off.

She opened the door to the lav (why she was still going to the bathroom at this point was beyond me, I didn’t think she had anything left), turned around and slurred, “I need annotherr driinnk, but itnnneeeds to be Christmus Treee.”

Well ok then.  “Actually, I think you’ve had a lot of drinks so let’s take a little break, ok?”

She managed to make it back to her seat, and I went to check on her. That’s when her sister decided to drop the bomb: the other sister had taken a few Xanax before the flight. You know, just to relax.

Oh, good lord.  If I had any clue that she had taken medication I never would have served her. But it was too late now.

They were pretty quiet the rest of the flight, and after we landed and taxied to the gate, we started to deplane the passengers. I was saying goodbye to a nice couple when all of a sudden there was a huge crash.

BAM!!

What the hell?!

There she was, face down on the floor, completely passed out.

“We need a medic!” shouted the captain.

She somehow woke up (I think her sister was shaking her) and stood up, blood at her mouth.  The medics ran on board with a straight-back wheelchair and strapped her in. She was slurring all sorts of nonsense.

Then she asked, “Arre wwe in Dennnverr?” “No, we’re in Omaha, and you need to hold still!” barked the paramedic.

They wheeled her off to take care of her. I let the captain know what had happened, and he shook his head.

Drinking and pills don’t mix well. I hope that was the last time she tried it.

The Finger Fiend

I’m going to go ahead and warn you right now, this story is disgusting. Feel free to stop reading now.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

I was on an international flight, the kind that you have to fill out a Customs Declaration form for before you land. It was sometime in the middle of the afternoon, where the cabin is bright with sunlight.

The other FA and I had finished service and done a trash collection already, and there weren’t too many passengers since there were open rows in the back.  We decided to get the forms out of the way so that everyone would have them ready by the time we landed. Plus, people usually need a little help filling them out, so why not give a little extra time?

A few rows in front of me in the back of the airplane there was a young couple sitting together.  They looked like maybe they were taking a romantic trip together. He turned and asked if he could borrow a pen. I said of course, and reached out and handed it to him.

Then I walked back up to the front with the other FA and we helped other passengers fill out forms, then hung out and cleaned up in the galley.

I decided to go back and read a magazine that someone had left behind (score!) and made my way to the back.

And that’s when I happened to glance over at the young couple and saw the guy with his hand down her pants, I mean like elbow deep, going at it, and she’s writhing and moaning against the seat.

No blanket, no nothing. Just right there in the plain of day.

Obviously they hadn’t seen me coming, but they sure noticed after I walked by. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. There were kids on this flight, and that made me angry. What if a kid had walked by and seen that?!

They stopped as soon as they realized what happened, thank goodness. Otherwise it would have been even more awkward than Boob Lady.

But the worst part, the absolute WORST part – was that he turned around and tried to give me back my pen. Yes, with the same hand that had previously been – er, occupying his lady friend’s undergarments and who knows what else.

I looked him straight in the eye with one eyebrow raised and said, “You keep it.” He turned back around and didn’t say another word.

And that my friends, is why we wear shoes to the bathroom.

 

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

 

Have any juicy flight attendant stories? I would love to hear them! Comment below with any of your own.

New Giveaway! Pretty Planes™ Magnets Are Here!

April 15, 2015 by Flight Wife 13 Comments

New Giveaway!  Pretty Planes™ Magnets Are Here!


Giveaway

Yeah, baby! So to celebrate all my new fans I am doing a giveaway!  One lucky person is going to win a set of Pretty Planes ™ Magnets, the newest addition to the collection. These aren’t available for sale yet, but they will be soon… Stay tuned for more types coming up, I have some fun stuff in the works!

plane magnets

To enter, follow the directions below and collect your entries. The winner will be announced next week. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

10 Things You Should Know How To Do Without Your Husband

March 1, 2015 by Flight Wife 2 Comments

10 Things You Should Know How To Do Without Your Husband


blog




We all know how it works; the minute our husbands leave is when the universe decides that crap is going to hit the fan.  Car issues, overflowing toilets, broken water heaters, you name it. If something can go wrong, it will be when they are gone.  “When the pilot’s away, shit starts to go cray,” as the saying goes. You’ve never heard that saying before? Ok, I may have just made it up two minutes ago.  Feel free to mutter it under your breath as something inevitably breaks and you’re the one stuck dealing with it.

Meanwhile, your husband is lounging poolside with half his crew, pretending to commiserate with you over the phone while he orders some food from his new buddy Jeff the waiter. Screw you Jeff, I am trying to discuss important things with my husband! No he does not need anything else, but feel free to offer him assistance when I come through the phone and strangle him. Jeff must sense my wrath, because I don’t hear him anymore.

If that scenario sounds familiar at all, then this list may be perfect for you!  I’ve compiled a list of 10 things that you should be able to do when your husband is gone.   Because let’s face it, we need to know how to handle stuff, it’s for the benefit of everyone. Who wants to be stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire when you can just roll up your sleeves and change it yourself?  Not me. And I don’t want that to be you, either.

Some of these I knew already, and some of them I needed a refresher course with. My husband seemed happy that I wanted to learn, and was eager to teach me. It was actually kind of fun! And there’s a certain peace of mind that comes with the knowledge that you can fix things. Yes you!  You can do ALL of these things – and when crap happens, you’ll be able to take care of it like a boss.

 

Change a flat tire

If you don’t know how to do this, it’s time to learn girlfriend.  And it’s really not that hard!  Here’s an infographic that you should save to your phone if you ever need it.

how to change a tire

photo credit

This happened to me once as I was driving on the freeway. Blew a tire, pulled over, swore under my breath.  Put on my big girl panties and grabbed the tire iron and spare tire from the trunk, and got to work. I pulled out my phone and pulled up instructions because I was nervous and I didn’t want to look like an idiot if I did things out of order.

I started loosening the bolts first before jacking up the car. Which was fine until they wouldn’t come loose. Not budging. I literally jumped up and down on the iron trying to get that stubborn bolt loose, and it wasn’t going anywhere. Just then, a good Samaritan pulled up (and I was ready to kick his ass if needed) and introduced himself. Thank God he was a super nice guy, let me know he had a wife and kids, and went to loosen the bolts for me. Guess what? He couldn’t get them either. He said they had been tightened with a machine (probably during a tire rotation) and the only way to get it off was with some sort of electric bolt unscrewer (very technical term).  Which he just happened to have in his car!! Moments later, he brought it over, and finished changing my tire.

Sometimes even when you know how to do something, you still need help. I took his info and ended up sending him and his wife a thank you card with a restaurant gift card in it. He was a lifesaver!

If I had known what I know now, I would check the bolts to make sure that I could get them off. My husband has checked mine to make sure, so now I should be able to change any of them with no problem.

 

Reset the breakers

Have you ever been drying your hair and popped a breaker?  Knowing where to find the breakers and reset them (and reset the right one, haha) is essential.  Go out to the side of your house (it can also be in the basement or garage)and find the breaker box, or have your husband show you where it is. Once you open it, they should be labeled so you know which switch goes to what.  The popped one will be the one in the “off” position, or in between on and off.  Just switch it over to the other side and there you go! Easy right?

 

breakers

Here’s our breaker box – conveniently labeled!

 

How to jumpstart a car

I haven’t had to do this yet, but I’m sure there will come a time when it will come in handy to know how.  Here’s another awesome infographic from drivingmamas.com to help you if you need to know how.

how to

You can find a free printable of it on their blog which is here: http://www.drivingmamas.com/how-jump-start-jumper-cables-printable/

 

How the house alarm works

When I was 5 months pregnant with my son, we were living with my in-laws while we were buying our first house. One stormy night I was alone and had just gotten into bed when the house alarm went off. I was scared as hell that someone had broken in – and I couldn’t shut off the alarm! I knew how to set it and disarm it – normally. But no one had bothered to show me how to turn it off if it was actually going off! The normal code wasn’t working and at the time it wasn’t being monitored so there was no phone call. I tried calling my husband but to no avail – I finally had it where the alarm was no longer sounding but it still wouldn’t reset. I was done at that point. Scared and shaken, I packed a bag and stayed at my dad’s house that night. Screw it, I was out of there! By the way, it turned out that the wind had been so strong it moved the door just enough to separate from the sensor. Ugh.

Now that we have our own alarm, I know exactly how to set it and what to do if that ever happens again. We also have a better alarm that I can set from my phone, even in bed. It’s awesome, especially because we have a 2 story. The last thing I want to do is trudge back downstairs to set it. And of course it’s monitored – they literally call us within 10 seconds if it goes off. It gives me that extra feeling of security which is definitely helpful when my husband is gone.

 

How to shut off the water

I just had Scott show me how to do this today.  Interestingly, for our house there is a lever for the house water, and a different lever for the yard/outside water. I never would have known. Or, let’s be honest, cared. But the more you know the more prepared you are!

water valve1

Here’s our outside water valve – which I now know how to shut off!

water valve

And the water valve to the house – this one is easy

 

 

How to unclog the sink/toilet

You haven’t lived until you’ve scooped toddler poop out of an overflowing toilet. Clogged toilets and sinks are pretty much at the top of my hate list. One time our garbage disposal went out and sent crap flying out of the sink. That one I couldn’t fix, but I have been able to unclog it. Here is a tutorial just for you, should you need it.

http://www.wikihow.com/Unclog-a-Kitchen-Sink

Toilets are even worse. Of course you’re going to start with a plunger, but what if that doesn’t work?  Here is a link to help.

http://www.wikihow.com/Unclog-a-Toilet

I actually had to use the wire hanger once – and finally got it! I was so happy I didn’t have to wait for my husband to get home.




How to change a smoke detector

One of the most annoying things you can hear in the middle of the night (besides a crying baby) is the dreaded smoke detector chirp. I had one go off at 5 am a few weeks ago, and I almost ripped it out of the ceiling I was so irritated. This is one of those things you should know how to do before disaster strikes. Because fumbling around in the dark should only be done under the covers.

http://homeguides.sfgate.com/reset-smoke-detectors-43199.html

 

How to fix/put together small projects

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I love to put things together. I have built numerous projects, including my son’s toy organizing shelf, the bench at the foot of our bed, the glider in the nursery, and all kinds of other things. I love my son’s reaction when he sees that I built something.  I even have my own toolkit, and it’s pink! This was mostly because I get really tired of looking for tools and having them strewn all over the house. My husband is super handy and can fix almost anything, but organization is not his strong point. So I got my own tools and now I always know where they are!  I have done countless small fixes around the house, and I just love that I don’t need my husband to do it for me.

Did you know that Home Depot offers free workshops? They do! They even have one called “Do It Herself” designed specifically for women. And they have kids workshops too! I decided that one weekend I’m going to take Parker to one so we can build something together. How fun!

blog2

Here’s my tool set – I use it ALL the time!

 

 

 

How to use a fire extinguisher/How to get out of the house in a fire

Have you ever needed to use a fire extinguisher? Probably not. But it’s also a good thing to know. (And you should have them in your house – we just ordered some!) Another one to file under “just in case”.  I was lucky that I was trained as a flight attendant how to use them and feel comfortable using any kind. If you haven’t been trained to use one, that’s totally ok. It’s easiest to remember the acronym PASS, which stands for:

Pull the pin (This releases the locking mechanism.)

Aim at base of fire (Don’t shoot at the flames, you have to kill what’s feeding the fire, which is at the bottom.)

Squeeze the trigger (Shoot it! Shoot it now!)

Sweep from side to side (Gotta get it all! Read your fire extinguisher’s instructions for how far away you should shoot.)

 

As I was writing this, Scott mentioned that we should have a fire plan to go along with this. Good idea honey! I knew I married him for a reason.

Do you have a fire plan for when your husband is gone?  We have a two story house, and most of the bedrooms are upstairs. If we have a fire, after I freak the fuck out calmly assess the situation, I will have to get both kids and myself out. My first option is to get out by going downstairs. But if that’s not safe, we’re going to have to go out a window. So, we just ordered some fire ladders from Amazon today. See? I’m doing this with you.

 

How to call for help!

Like I mentioned before, sometimes even if you know how to do something, you still need help. Or it could be something so major that you have no choice but to call a professional.  In that case, it’s essential to keep a list handy for those “just in case” scenarios.  Create a list with your husband by going through and choosing a group of trusted people together. Together being the key word.  He can’t come back at you and say you shouldn’t have called so-and-so if you have preselected people to call. Am I right?!  (You may find out like I just did that your home warranty covers some things – like the water heater, pool, and air conditioning. Who knew?! Not me – so I added them to the list.)

Here’s who I have, feel free to make your own list!

– Home warranty

(They are call first, if they don’t cover it, I move to the next qualified person.)

– Plumber

– Electrician

– Handyman

My list is pretty short obviously. But there’s not much else I would need to call for, so it works for me. For now anyway. I may kick myself later for not adding someone I didn’t think of while something crazy goes on in the background. But at least it will make a good blog post!

As a bonus, here is a FREE “Who To Call” printable I made just for you!!  Post it on your fridge or put it in a drawer to keep handy. I made it pretty though, so you should really put it on the fridge. Just sayin’.

who to call list

 

Anything you would add to this list of what you should know how to do without your husband? Comment below!!

 

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife




Story Time: How I Accidentally Killed The Romance On Our Honeymoon

February 19, 2015 by Flight Wife 2 Comments

Story Time: How I Accidentally Killed The Romance On Our Honeymoon


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Story time!! I’ve got a good one for you today. Grab a comfy seat and sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh at my expense…

It was the fall of 2006.  There we were, a freshly minted newlywed couple, ready to celebrate our brand new marriage with a weeklong trip to Hawaii. We were giddy as we picked up our rental Jeep and drove to the resort that my aunt and uncle had gifted us for our wedding.

We got there and gave ourselves a tour of our suite, which was beautiful. Everything was tropical and greenery, with white linens blowing in the breeze.  We settled in and started making plans for our stay; a snorkeling trip, a scuba diving expedition, and swimming with dolphins were just a few adventures we had planned.

The view from our room - not bad!

The view from our room – not bad!

One night as we got back to our hotel, tipsy on Mai Tais and each other, I gave him the come-hither eyes as I made my way to the bed.  It was covered in a beautiful white duvet, with a black swirled pattern that snaked its way across the top of it. I laid across it, positioning myself just so so that when he walked in he would have no choice but to succumb to my sexiness.

He told me he would be right back, he was just going to grab something. I don’t remember what it was, a candle? Dessert? My memory escapes me, but it wasn’t important. I quickly threw on some lingerie I had gotten as a shower present and leapt back onto the bed.  As I perfected my arched-back-crossed-legs-pouty-mouth pose, I waited for him to come back. He was going to want me. He was going to want me bad, I just knew it.

When he walked back in, instead of the look of lust and adoration I was expecting there was a sort of grimace; a look of half shock and half confusion crossed his face as he studied me and said, “Are you on your period? You’re bleeding.”

What?!

It couldn’t be. I had meticulously planned my birth control so that there was no chance of there being any signs of Shark Week during our honeymoon. What can I say? I’m a planner.

I looked around to see what he could possibly be talking about…

And then I saw it. Blood all over the beautiful duvet that was WHITE. Well, used to be white.

Shit.

“Oh God!!! Where is it coming from?! How are we going to get that out?!?!”

I jumped up frantically and just then the scattering clink of a razor hitting the floor jarred us. We looked at each other and back down.

“Well, how the hell did that get th…”

“It’s your leg,” he said, pointing.

Sure enough, my knee and thigh had blood smeared everywhere. In all my sexy writhing glory I had gotten it everywhere. You little bastard, I thought as I gave the razor the death stare. I ran into the bathroom to assess the damage.

How the hell did that happen? And how did I not know? It doesn’t even hurt!!

I cleaned up the blood and there were two small cuts on my leg, barely anything. How in the hell does such a small cut create enough damn blood to make the bed look like a murder scene?!?!

I walked back into the bedroom to see Scott furiously scrubbing the duvet. We were pretty poor at the time, and the thought of having to pay for a new one, or even trying to explain what happened was making my stomach churn.

About fifteen stressful, please-lord-jesus-let-it-be-clean minutes later, the blood was gone.

But so was the mood.  Blood is pretty much the opposite of sexy.  But that’s what I get for trying too hard. Karma disguised itself as a pretty pink razor of doom.  Just to knock me down a few notches.

We collapsed into bed, our buzzes worn off and then laughed at how I could miss seeing a bright pink razor on the bedspread.  It must have fallen out of my bag when I had moved all my other toiletries from my suitcase. Of all things, really?! It couldn’t have been a makeup brush, or something else not associated with blades of destruction.

Damn you, razor.

Don’t feel too bad for me, there was plenty of sex to be had on the rest of our honeymoon.  Of course we had a great time, it was Hawaii! I mean, look at these two young crazy kids…

honeymoon

Ahhh, love…

 

There was also more blood, when we were out walking and my toe jammed into a raised sprinkler head I didn’t see. I’m a bit of a klutz apparently.

I can't believe I found this picture! And ouch...

I can’t believe I found this picture! And ouch…

But all was well and we still managed to have a glorious time. Just learn from me and watch where you unpack your stuff – you never know what items may come back and attack you.

Got any funny honeymoon stories? Comment below!

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

Freebie Time! Airplane Themed Calendar

February 14, 2015 by Flight Wife Leave a Comment

Freebie Time!  Airplane Themed Calendar

March

Happy Valentine’s Day!!  I thought I would give away something fun, so I created an airplane themed calendar. I’ll be adding to it as I design each month, so keep checking back!  Here is the downloadable PDF: download March!

Hope you have a great day and a fantastic weekend! What are your Valentine’s Day plans?

 

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

FAQ’s of Being a Pilot’s Wife – What Is It Really Like??

February 6, 2015 by Flight Wife 3 Comments

FAQ’s of Being a Pilot’s Wife – What Is It Really Like??

Basic RGB

There’s always a pregnant pause whenever I tell someone what my husband does for a living – followed by a flurry of questions. Where does he fly to? Does he always fly the same routes? Has he ever flown anyone famous?  How long is he gone for? Oh wow, do you ever worry he’s going to cheat on you?  The list goes on and on.  It’s pretty funny, actually, especially when you end up quashing some of the widely held assumptions people have.  So I’m going to take a crack at the ones I usually hear the most.  Have a question yourself? Comment below and I’ll answer as best as I can. 🙂

Oh wow, he must make a lot of money! Ok, so this is more of a statement than an actual question, but I consider in an inquiry nonetheless.  The short answer? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, no. Although he makes a decent salary nowadays, it took us a looooong time to get to the point where we weren’t completely stressed about money, living paycheck to paycheck, and wondering how we were going to keep the roof over our heads.  Not many people know this, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: It takes a shitload of money to become a pilot, and after they are done shelling out nearly $100 grand to finish school, if they are lucky enough to be hired by a regional (and I use the term “lucky” loosely), they will start at right around $19,000 a year. Yep, you read that right.

Pilots’ starting salary to fly actual real life people around pays less than $20,000 a year. In the airline industry, this is seen as a travesty, yet people are still surprised to actually see/hear about it. When Scott started flying, he was lucky enough not to have any student loans (not the norm for most pilots) because he had sold his house and used the equity along with money his grandparents generously gifted him to pay for flight school.  All his living expenses went on credit cards. (Not much better, IMO.)  We both flew for a regional airline (I was a flight attendant – don’t you dare ever use the S word), and it was about 6 or 7 years in before he was making an ok salary.  Now that he’s moved on to a major (and suffered through what is called “first year pay” – the dreaded peanuts pay that all airlines start with to, in my opinion, see what you’re made of. “Oh you have a family of 4? Ha, see if you can survive on this) he is now making more than he ever has, and we are finally at a good place. He’s been a pilot for 12 years.  And our story is not nearly as bad as some of the others I’ve heard.

 

Where does he fly? Does he get the same routes every trip? This really depends on the airline, but they pretty much have no control over where they fly to (with some exceptions). The majority of pilots bid for their schedule in advance (a bid lasts a month), and do it to get the most days off as possible, while trying to get as many hours crunched into those trips to pay decently.  The trips they get are the ones that fall into their parameters.  My husband’s airline doesn’t have a huge amount of hubs, so he often does fly to the same cities.

 

Has he ever flown anyone famous? Yes!  He has flown Eva Longoria, Drew Barrymore, Sally Field, John Lovitz, Jamie Lynn Sigler, and Courtney Love.  He also was on a plane with Mike Tyson, and saw Ron Jeremy at the Phoenix airport. (I don’t know if he really counts, he’s like an F-list celebrity – get it? F-list? Man, that one wrote itself.)

 

How long is he usually gone for? Usually anywhere from 3-5 days, and then home for 3-5 days. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

 

Do you ever worry he’s going to cheat on you? Hahaha, this one always makes me laugh. No, I don’t. And not because it’s not a reality, either.  I’ve flown with my share of douchebag pilots before, they are definitely out there. But there are more good ones than bad, it’s just that the bad ones create more of a name for themselves.  If my husband were going to cheat, he would do it regardless of whether or not he was pilot.  Doctors cheat, lawyers cheat, teachers cheat. There are cheaters in every profession. Cheating has more to do with your character than what you do for a living, and there are just as many wives at home who have the same opportunity.

But doesn’t the atmosphere create a environment ripe for cheating? You know, layovers together, staying in the same hotel, being together for days?

Sometimes, yes. But just because my husband is around other women (sometimes for days at a time) doesn’t mean he doesn’t have self control. Can you imagine trying to stop him from going to the grocery store, the gas station, my son’s preschool? Women are everywhere, and he either has self control or he doesn’t.  I wouldn’t have married my husband if I thought he could be a cheater. (Although I’m sure no woman whose husband ends up cheating ever thought to herself, you know, he seems like a cheater. Oh, well, let’s see what happens!)  However, being exposed to many, many different men, I did a pretty damn good job of sniffing out who would cheat on whom.  And I also had many propositions as a flight attendant. But every time, I chose the outcome. I could either cheat, or not. Same for him. You either have trust or you don’t. End of story.

This is a pretty heated subject among pilot wives. Many argue that they don’t let their husbands go out on overnights with flight attendants, or friend them on Facebook, because just the temptation alone is fostering a cheating environment. I tend to disagree. Mostly because I was a flight attendant, and I feel the need to defend some of these pilots.  Sometimes only some of our crew would want to go out to eat after a long day of flying. Some of the places we went to (ahem, Vegas) had hotels that were not in the best areas. If I was starving, you bet your ass I wasn’t going alone. So I’d call up one of the pilots and see if they would go with me. Just the fact of being a woman alone in another city is a daunting prospect. On more than one occasion we would get to a shady hotel and the pilots would offer to check our rooms out first (like a security sweep) to make sure nothing was amiss. They’d check the bathroom, under the beds, etc. just to make sure. I’m sure you’ve heard the horror stories about flight attendants being attacked or even murdered. If not, Google “Jeffrey Gorton”, who killed Nancy Ludwig while she was on a layover. He pushed her into her room as she was opening the door, then gagged her, raped her, and slit her throat. This is why I personally chose to sometimes have pilots check my room. It wasn’t a joke.

Yet, I understand the worry some wives have about their husbands being left alone with other women. It’s a weird feeling knowing they are enjoying themselves on their overnights while we are at home, usually taking care of dinner, bath time, bedtime, and all the craziness being a mom entails. However, like I said before, you either have trust or you don’t.  I choose to trust my husband. I know he wouldn’t cheat. I mean, let’s face it; we’re 13 years apart, if he goes any younger than me he’s a creep.  (Hahaha!) We have a very open relationship, (not that kind of open, get your mind out of the gutter) and we talk a lot about everything.  If he has a pretty flight attendant, he has no problem telling me. He has also told me the stories of passengers trying to hit on him. (Which I happen to think is funny, aaaand a little bit hot. They want my man? Makes him even sexier.)  There are beautiful women everywhere. Trying to control my husband is not going to negate that fact.

It’s all. About. Trust.

That’s pretty much all I can think of for the moment! Do you have any questions?? Let me know what they are, I would love to answer!!

 

Xoxo,

Taniya

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