I have been married to my husband for over 8 years, and we’ve been together for 11. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but thankfully there have been more ups than downs. And I believe it’s due to some of the advice I’m about to give. Don’t get me wrong – my marriage isn’t perfect and I am definitely not coming at you from a place of “I know it all and have all the secrets”. (Who wants to be friends with that girl?!) I definitely don’t have all the secrets.
Believe me, there are times when as hard as I try, I am just not in the mood or we’re not getting along. Everyone has those moments. If they can’t admit that they are lying. So when that happens, I just pour myself some wine and take a bath. I can (and do!) enjoy my own company. However, I do have some tips and tricks that I think any couple can try to keep that spark alive. Don’t feel like you have to do them all, or cross them off like a checklist. Use what works and toss the rest if you want. This is supposed to be fun! You will thank me later.
It’s easy to let the day-by-day tasks get in the way of communication. Kids, household chores, and all the other crap we manage while they are gone can get in the way of just talking.
Remember when you used to just talk? For hours? How on earth did we have the time?
It’s crucial to cut out that time for each other. Even a simple text can make a difference in your day. And I can’t say that I haven’t had a lasting smile on my face after receiving a sexy text from my husband out of the blue.
As I was writing this, I took my own advice and sent my husband a flirty text. It made me happy. And let’s just say, it was well received. 🙂
But what about when you can’t text? Sometimes when my husband is flying or doesn’t have service, we can’t text. Email works well for this. Having to slow down and read what your spouse has to say is beneficial to your communication. The fact that they have to read everything you write before responding is great – there’s no room for interrupting because they have to read all that you have to say (assuming that they aren’t just skimming, of course).
Taking the time to write an email can also give you chance to remember everything you wanted to tell them, which helps me because I often skip over some of the things I meant to tell him and didn’t. Of course, this is assuming that I have time to write out an email, which sometimes isn’t the case. I am pretty forgetful sometimes, so I’ve starting writing things down that are important to tell my husband when I get him on the phone. This helps me SO much! Once we get all the little things we need to take care of out of the way, it leaves more time for “us” talk.
Yes, that kind. Quit being shy, there’s no need. This is your husband we are talking about! Yeah yeah, your thighs are big. Your stomach isn’t what it was before kids. Your ass back in the day was merely a shadow of what it is now.
I don’t care.
And neither does your husband. You are a beautiful woman!! Embrace it! Men are visual by nature, and respond to visual stimulation more than women (it’s science: check out this article). So quit it… Go put on a sexy bra and snap a pic. Get over yourself.
There are a million ways to be sexy – even hinting at sexiness is sexy. As a photographer, it’s my job to pose my subjects in the most flattering way. When I shoot families, I always make sure that the wife/mom looks good. Why? Because it is inevitable that the pictures where she looks the best are the pictures that she will buy. No one wants to buy pictures of themselves that they don’t love.
So I get it. Let’s talk about it.
To get around any insecurities, take pictures of things you like about yourself. Things that are sexy… your lips, your legs, your feet in high heels, your cleavage. You don’t have to do full body shots. You can start with baby steps. For example, you could put on some thigh-highs and take a picture of just the top lace. Take a picture of your mouth while, ahem, enjoying a sucker. Hold up a pair of your sexiest panties – insinuating you have taken them off. Put on a pretty bra and some pearls, and take a picture of your neck and cleavage, with your hand trailing the side of your face. The options are limitless; don’t be afraid to try different things!
Send him a quick text to get his blood pumping and let him know what he’s missing at work – and what he has to look forward to when he gets home. You might be surprised at how well this turns out. Do yourself a favor and at least try it!
***So I can’t ask you to do something I wouldn’t do myself, right?! Right! Here is a picture that I just ran upstairs and took in less than 10 minutes. Some stockings, heels, a chair, and voila! (P.S. Check out the app called Word Swag – it’s how I make all these captioned pictures. Love it!)
And the best part is that I was in pajama shorts and a tank top. But who needs to know? It’s our little secret. 😉
Make Him Remember
<— See that girl? That girl was awesome. Remember the kind of woman you were when you two were dating? The woman who was up for anything, who was spontaneous and fun? You need to bring her back. (Some of her, not all of her – some things need to stay in the past ifyouknowwhatImean… I’m looking at you, pierced bellybutton. And body glitter. Oy.)
Plan a date for when he gets home and keep it a surprise. Hire a sitter* and then take him out! Try someplace new that you’ve both never been. Nothing spices up the same old, same old like doing something new together. This is where stories come from! Think about when you were dating – you have stories right? That’s because you were doing stuff. Together.
GO DO SOME STUFF.
Recently Scott and I tried out a new restaurant, one that neither of us had been to. We both got dressed up and when we got there, decided to sit outside near a really cool fire pit and string lights. All of a sudden a cameraman came up to us and asked if it would be ok to film us for a news segment they were doing about that restaurant. We had a blast trying to keep straight faces and not look like total idiots while they filmed us eating. It gave us something to laugh about, and made us closer.
Experiencing things together strengthens your bond, because it’s something that just the two of you share. That is the key to staying connected.
Well, that’s all for now, stay tuned for Part 2, it’s coming later this week! Have something to say? Let me know in the comments!
Xoxo, The Flight Wife
*I realize that it’s not always easy to get a sitter. Try reaching out to friends, neighbors, or your local church. It is super important for you to be able to get away from the kids once in while, I can’t stress this enough. Your marriage is worth it. And so are you. Hugs from me to you!